Just another mom blog…

For this child, I have prayed. (Samuel 1:27)

Mom

Sometimes I still find myself saddened to the point that tears trickle down my cheeks.  No one sees this, I make sure of it, but surely enough it happens.  It happens when I see a mother with her daughter, when I am so excited over something Nathan did that I just want to tell someone about it right then, when I can’t remember how much flour to add to chicken and dumplings, when I feel like I need a soft place to fall and I have no one to turn to.

It hurts. So much.  It starts deep in my belly until a huge lump forms in my throat and makes it ache. Then the tears come and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

It reminds me of a childhood memory.  I was once sitting on my bed crying and my mom came and sat next to me.  She asked me what was wrong, and I told her I didn’t know, but that it hurts.  She asked me to show her what hurts, and I tried to convey just where the big lump in my throat was.  She explained to me, “Your feelings are hurt.”  In my very young mind, I could only conclude one thing, which led me to the question: why, exactly, would God put my feelings in my throat?

Today I had to rummage through her belongings again in a attempt to start putting them up.  The simple things strike me the most.  Her suitcase is just as she left it, as is her purse.  Little pieces of her that she left behind: Crumpled receipts, a tube of mascara, a pack of Dentyne gum with all but two pieces of gum punched through the shiny foil on the back.  Me.

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

What do you think? Any ideas and suggestions are welcomed! :-)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: