The Dentist, the lactation consultant, and Nathan’s poopy face
Last night, while Nathan chewed on my finger, I felt what could only be the beginnings of an emerging tooth. I can’t quite see anything yet, but I feel a slightly serrated edge just under a bump on his bottom left side. He has woken up at weird hours the past few days, and has been exceptionally cranky when he is sleepy. I am starting to see now that it must be all due to his brand new toofy coming in.
I was so excited! As soon as I felt it, I exclaimed, “A toofy! Does my big boy have a TOOFY?!?” I ran him over to the nearest lamp and looked inside to see if I could see anything. Nathan went on high alert with my unbridled glee as he watched his mommy act like a fool over his almost-first-tooth. I clapped my hands and tickled his belly and spontaneously made up a “my fist toofy” song. I grabbed my phone an updated his daddy who was at a ballgame, and other folks on this exciting new development. After awhile, the replies poured in. Everyone was happy for him and some joked about him biting while nursing, which seeped into my dreams later that night…
Later that night:
All of this late-night excitement led to a rather strange dream about a dentist, a lactation consultant, and Nathan’s face that he makes while he is making a poopy diaper. I found myself wondering if I fell down a rabbit hole because this particular dream was definitely bizarre to say the least!
So I found myself in Dr. Twilight Zone’s dental office discussing Nathan’s first tooth along with his assistant, who also happened to be a rather flamboyant (and certified, mind you) bona fide lactation consultant.
As the generously proportioned dentist explained to me the physical process of cropping a tooth, I started to notice that he seemed to be having some after lunch, upper-GI issues, namely belching, and he periodically paused mid-sentence to rid himself of excess air. For whatever reason, I felt compelled to politely ignore his issues. After a long-winded (no pun intended) narrated story of teething, he then graciously turned the spotlight over to his assistant as he sat not-so-quietly on his swivel stool.
The LC swung her arms this way and that in a wild manner as she went over nursing a baby with teeth. I felt like I was privy to a bizarre game of charades. Her attempts to reassure me failed miserably, partially due to her including words such as “piranha” and “locked jaws” and supposedly how I can rescue a clamped upon nu-nu by icing him down until he lets go. She reassured me that 200 pounds of bite force with needle-sharp incisors “doesn’t really hurt all that much.”
[Note to self: watching shark documentaries prior to bed is NOT a good idea during teething time]
Anyhow…around this time, the giant dentist started to have excess air issues in his lower GI system, a feat which I found increasingly difficult to ignore, especially since it drowned out her voice in the process. It went something like this:
Animated LC: So you’ll want to make sure he is latched on properly…
[the dentist shifts uncomfortably on his stool, then lifts his left leg ever so slightly]
...which you can check by taking an iPhone photo and
[pffffffffth!!!!] I flinch at the sound, which was so loud that it traveled through the floor and vibrated my chair
LC continues…”if he just won’t let go, then stick his foot in a bucket of ice. That should do the trick!”
The dentist then started making the exact same poopy face that Nathan makes, followed by more floor vibrations. At this point in my dream…I started to wake up because the vibrations were continuing. It finally occurred to me that Nathan was crying and thus the bed alarm was vibrating to wake me up.