Just another mom blog…

For this child, I have prayed. (Samuel 1:27)

Day 3: The Silver Lining

I had my 6 week sonograms and discovered that the pregnancy was in the right place (not Aesopic) and lost over the weekend at almost 6 weeks pregnant. Fabulous Dr. D (our reproductive endocrinologist who did our IVF with Nathan) and C and I all reviewed the pregnancy and then discussed the future for us.  It turns out that I developed a bad infection/complication around the time that I lost the baby.  The complication may have ended the pregnancy since newly pregnant bodies tend to do this (end the pregnancy).  The good news that we got is that we are going to monitor my hormone levels and as soon as the complication is resolved and the hormones are ‘reset’, we can try again for another baby.  It may be as soon as next month, which is exciting and scary at the same time.  This being my second pregnancy loss, the first trimester is a very scary time for me.   Actually, to be perfectly honest, I find that I am quite nervous for the baby and do not relax until the child is finally in my arms.  I envy those people who get pregnant and cruise through 9 months without a care in the world. I am just not one of them.

As for me personally, I am handling the loss just fine.  It’s weird though, because my brain and body are not in agreement with getting over the pregnancy yet. My brain understands the loss, the statistics, biology, plans and I’m mentally fine with it. Sad, but fine.  My body and emotions on the other hand are WAY out of loop.  My hormones are still trying to reset and get back to normal. As a result, I feel like I am either menopausal and/or have PMS.  I have these random hot flashes one minute and then feel fine the next. Sometimes the silliest thing (good moments) will invoke tears from me, and other things I think are hilarious when I never though so before. Sometimes I feel irritated but honestly have no idea why, aside from the pregnancy. It’s still “Me”, just a little more intense than normal.  I didn’t expect this to happen but I have since learned that it is typical for miscarriages.

I also didn’t expect the intensity of discomfort while the body naturally miscarried.  The first day I did not take anything for it.  I just felt like the pain, like the pain during childbirth, is a natural transition that marks the end of pregnancy regardless of gestational length.  I can’t really explain it very well but many women feel the same way.  So today while I was at the surgeon’s getting the complication tended to, I was hurting quite a bit and opened up to her about it. She said that there is no need to suffer, so when I got home I took some medicine and felt so much better. I ended up taking a 3 hour nap along with Nathan, which I’m sure my body sorely needed.

Sorry for rambling, I’m really very tired.

Anyhow, the silver lining from all of this is that we know now that I should be able to conceive again soon.  We are very, very excited about possibly having another child in our family.  This time around I can make sure that my body is ready for the long journey ahead so I can bring a healthy baby into the world.

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