Two weeks later…
Two weeks before the night that Osama was killed, I loss my baby. I would have been 8 weeks along now and had a very good chance of making it to term. The week following the loss was very hard on us, especially me. While C did grieve the loss, he did not have to experience the physical aspects, nor did he see the pregnancy tissue or experience how a body transitions back to its pre-pregnancy state. Not that he grieved any less, mind you, but its just that men and women have different experiences on the same loss. Chalk it up to biology, if you will. At one point, I laid on the couch without showering for 48 hours with the exception of tending to my son. My appetite went away completely, I felt exhausted, I had frequent mood swings and hot flashes, nausea came and went, my ahem girls reverted back from being nicely enlarged to normal size again.
It has been two weeks, and I am starting to feel quite a bit better. I no longer have any physical symptoms and so I feel like I can move on. I really want to try again very soon for a pregnancy. The ability to get pregnant is a huge blessing to us and I am scared it will ‘go away’ again for whatever reason. Some women want to wait until they are emotionally over the loss, but honestly, when does anyone ever get over it? To me, having a miscarriage is always going to be a sad point. Not life-altering or dramatic, but just sad. That won’t go away, not now or later. So let’s say I conceive again and have another miscarriage. To me, it doesn’t matter if I experience a miscarriage now or later, I will still go through the same grieving process.
So I asked myself this: If I get pregnant, and carry to term as it is very much in my favor, will I regret it? I can say that I absolutely will not regret it!
Second question: If I get pregnant, and lose the baby, will I regret it? I can also say that I will not regret it. I know enough now to understand that this particular miscarriage has no effect on the next pregnancy, so waiting doesn’t do anything aside from make us go longer without a pregnancy and addition to our family.
So…we are keeping our fingers and toes crossed for another (successful) blessing one day soon. 🙂