Just another mom blog…

For this child, I have prayed. (Samuel 1:27)

Archive for the month “November, 2011”

His Noggin

I swear my son has photographic memory! It runs in my family, so if it is genetic then he certainly has the genes there. Before I go into details, I need to step onto the soapbox for a moment to make sure everyone knows where I am coming from.

I am so proud of my son. I would probably share every new development with the world if it were humanly possible to do so. It is not because he is super-smart or because I am comparing him to anyone.  He could honestly be as sharp as a bowling ball and I’d still be so very proud of him.  I am just amazed that I have been giving this little human to help develop into a great man one day, and so to see him growing and developing is astounding to me.  If competitive folks want to compare our children, count me out. No one should have an issue with a proud mother with a good heart sharing new developments with people.  I want only for everyone to participate in celebrating his life along with us.

Ok…off the soapbox now. I have been trying to figure out how he seems to master memory based things so quickly.  I started out playing a card-memory game with him in which I showed him the cards, flipped them upside-down, and asked him to pick out the one I want. He did this and quickly grew bored.  He remembered the cards better than me. Then, I let him play a toddler alphabet learning ap. In this ap, 3 letters are presented. The ap has a button to push which says one of the letters. The object is to pick out the correct letter that the ap asks for. Anyhow, after all of 3 times playing I started noticing that he was selecting the correct letter. No big deal, right? Well the clincher is that he was picking out the correct letter before hearing which letter the ap wanted him to pick!

I’m dead serious.

There is no way that a 25 month old could accomplish this unless he has a kick-butt memory system in that noggin of his.  Even as early as a year and a half old he memorized his huge stack of alphabet and number cards and the majority of his three favorite story books in two languages. With this same memory he memorized the colors of the rainbow in order, argued with me that a windmill is in fact a turbine, and could recognize the numbers 1-10 in 3 languages- all before age two. He recently memorized 2 more videos and started to recognize the rhythms of musical notes. He doesn’t forget anything. He also said this weekend, “The Mommy and the daddy and then circle and then eat and then everything all done.” It may not sound like much, except for that in one video a dinner plate is used to represent a circle, and we were about to sit down to eat dinner. He based his grammar on both English and ASL.

I am starting to realize that this kid really is very bright, in fact and not just by my own instincts.  I just hope and pray that I do a good job with providing him with everything he needs to excel in whatever talents he may have.


The countdown begins!

I am so stinking excited to be starting the fertility process in about 4 weeks. 🙂  I have already pretty much done everything that I need to do before hand, now I am just waiting…and waiting….oh, did I mention that I’m waiting?  I must say that the whole waiting thing is really not fun.  These things are very time-sensitive and dependent on a woman’s cycle, so I don’t have a choice in the matter.

I just want to finally be pregnant with a viable pregnancy. If the first baby had not been lost, I would be only a few weeks away from my due date already.  I remember with each pregnancy how excited C and I were. Even after we decided to be cautiously excited in case of a loss, we both secretly couldn’t help but to feel completely happy inside at the news.  After a year plus of trying with several rounds of clomid and several miscarriages, I am ready to finally be on my way to bringing our second child home.

Pregnancy with Nathan was extremely difficult, but I am optimistic the second time around.  With the first of the pregnancy losses, I felt terrific even though my HCG numbers were at a level where I tend to start feeling rough.  It just shows me that every pregnancy is different, and this pregnancy may not be as bad.  I think that the second time around may be a little easier on my body since it has already been through the pregnancy stretching and so forth. Even if it is bad, it is 10000% worth it to have a child.  I find myself wondering if he/she will look like me or C. I hope that if it is a girl that she’ll have my eye color (grey-blue) and curly hair.  We have already decided on a girl’s first name, Natalie.  Nathan and Natalie- how cute is that? 🙂

We are not sure yet on a boy’s name, though we have the name Benjamin Zane on our list.  I think Nathan will LOVE having a sibling. He is so sweet with babies and sociable, they will be a cute team.

Sure wish that time would speed up a little bit more…the sooner things get started, the sooner we will have our beloved child in our arms! 🙂


Exciting times ahead

After going through multiple miscarriages over last 7 months, C and I have finally accepted the fact that I will need as much help as I can get if we want to have another child soon.  The wonderful RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and I have completed testing to help figure out why I can get pregnant easily but cannot keep the pregnancies. We discussed all of our options regarding fertility treatment, which I then discussed with C. With the previous miscarriages, we have already ruled out all of the ‘at home’ treatments to help sustain pregnancy, and none of them worked.  Frankly, I am absolutely tired of losing pregnancies and have lost faith in my body’s ability to do it alone after loss number 3 or so. What is that saying? ‘If you keep doing the same things then expect the same results’. Or, ‘stupidity is when you do the same things over and over again but expect different results.’  Its hard on my body, mind, and spirit and I’m done with it.

We have decided to try a round of injections with close monitoring to recruit (grow) several eggs at once.  The medication protocol is actually the same as that of intrauterine insemination (IUI).  The idea is that by increasing the number of eggs released, I can increase my chances of having one of the little beans actually stick around past the usual time when I tend to lose the pregnancy, hopefully one will make it into the “safe zone” of the second trimester and result in birthing our second child. It should also help in several other ways. First, close monitoring will allow me to start on blood thinning shots even before week 4, which I cannot do without close monitoring.  Secondly, they can artificially enhance my cycle to make sure that ovulation occurs at the right time, something my body tends to be bad about, and thus makes the womb environment perfect for conception/implantation of the embryo. Lastly, should this method fail, it will allow my RE to gather tons of data which will help her get a better picture of exactly what is going on with my body and pregnancy.

There are a few downsides to injectable. One is that there is a chance of multiples such as twins.  Close monitoring helps them greatly reduce this risk, so I am not concerned about it. Shots aren’t fun, but I would take shots any day over going through another cycle with the same exact risk of miscarriage as I had for the last 7 months. Lastly, it is a little expensive, though nowhere near that of IVF.  It is totally worth it to us to pay the fees if it means us getting closer to our dreams of another child.

We are talking about hopefully being pregnant before the first of the year. So I can likely begin the process anywhere within the next 2-8 weeks. When we start the process depends on tons of variables such as my body being ready and other things.  We are definitely getting the ball rolling as we speak. I am ready for this. Scared, but ready.  We have gone through a year and a half of doctor appointments and not really preventing pregnancy, trying several rounds of clomid fertility medications, and praying. We are both ready for things to take a turn for the better, or at least have a better chance of doing so.

I have debated on if I should or should not post the details of our injectable round of fertility treatment, including early pregnancy details should we become pregnant.  The main issue is that there is a stigma in conservative society or some unspoken rule that you do not announce pregnancy until week 12.  I disagree with this “rule” but do not want to offend anyone, if such thing is possible. I think that there are so many women out there who can read this and it can maybe help them too see that they are not alone. I saw this after posting about our miscarriages.  I also believe that keeping the early pregnancy private does nothing to honor the precious miracle of early life even if the life is lost early on.  So…I will be sharing updates on this blog as I become aware of them as you take this journey right along with us.  I only ask that you please remember that a positive pregnancy test does not mean a baby for us due to our history, but rather a huge step in the right direction toward our dreams of having another child. 🙂


24month Updates

Lately Nathan has been singing songs with me.  He knows, “I see the moon”, “Twinkle, Twinkle”, “Row, Row, Row the boat”, and “Old Mc.Donald.”

It is really cute watching him sing. He signs the words he knows, makes up the ones he doesn’t, and substitutes letters with those he can say well. Sometimes he doesn’t quite say the song correctly, but it is adorable. For example:

Nathan singing, “I see the Moon”

I see moom, moom I see! [I see the moon, and the moon sees me]

Moom moom world, I dant to tee! [ The moon sees the world I want to see]

So dog less moom, dog less me [So God bless the moon, and God bless me]

An’ dog less world I dant to tee! [ and God bless the world I want to see]


Nathan singing Row, Row, Row your boat:

ROW! ROW! ROW! BOAT! [row, row, row your boat]

Tently down da TEAM! [gently down the stream]

Melly, melly, melly, melly, eyes a TEAM! [Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream]


Homeschool Preschool:

It is going very well. This month we are learning opposites, building vocabulary, reviewing letters and the sounds each makes, and counting to 20.  Since he knows his primary colors, we are going to start learning other colors like teal, hot pink, lime green, Chartreuse, grey, and so forth.

Monday we learned the opposites up/down. We played up/down games and sang songs.  We saw pictures where things go up and down and talked about elevators.  He learned the word elevator. We learned that sometimes Turbines (from our ’round and ’round lesson) can help things like water go up or down.

Tuesday we learned on/under.  We played games with a towel where Mommy or Nathan is on or under the towel.  I hid items and told him that the item is on or under something and he had to go find it.  We talked about how some animals live under the water, like dolphins for example. During his bath, we sang songs about how his bath toy dolphin is under the water.

Wednesday focused on our letters, numbers, drawing, counting.  We are learning how to use our finger to point at the item as we count, touching each only once to make sure we count accurately.  We are also learning how to use our finger to trace an arrow in the right direction, which is a building block lesson toward learning to write out letters with arrows as a guide.

Friday we are reviewing everything.

We watch 1-2 educational videos a day. We are learning our music notes by clapping out the rhythm the series of notes make. I also include him in things during the day. He helps me match up socks while folding laundry.  He helps me dust with his very own swifter and he follows behind me while vacuuming and fusses at me if I miss a spot.  I let him help me unload the dishwasher and he will take out one at a time and bring it to the right spot for me to put up.  It takes ten times as long to finish the job, but I think it is important to involve him whenever possible.  He helps me when I make soap. Once the soap is cooled, he puts the funnel into the holder jug and helps me scoop the soap into the funnel for storage.

We are also working on potty training.  I know him well enough to know that it takes time for him to warm up to a change in life, unlike me.  My mom says that to potty train me, at two years old she put me in underwear overnight and told me not to ‘tinkle’ in them. I never wore diapers again.  They also took away my pacifier/binky at two by telling me that my dad was going to take the binky to the baby dear. I gave my binky away and never asked for it again. I actually remember this and feeling maternal toward the poor baby deer! I was a little mommy even then.

So for Nathan, we are practicing bladder control.  He gets to wear his big boy underwear for a short time every other day or so.  A few times a day, I take off his diaper and ask him to ‘make water’ into the potty cup. (He refuses to sit to pee, he has to stand up like daddy does- ha).  It doesn’t matter how much or little he tinkles when we practice, the goal is to simply let him understand the concept of bladder control better and actually see the results and where to go.

Growing: This child is a little weed!  I actually ended up buying him some 4T tops and one-piece pajamas!  He is only 24 months old!!! He has a very long waist, so he can wear 3T/4T tops and wears 2T bottoms, though he will be in 3T bottoms in another month or two.  His feet are normal sized, I think. He wears size 7 shoes though he’ll be in 7.5 soon.  He wears 3t/4t socks.

For Halloween, he was a “cat in the hat.” I put him in his black wrangler jeans, his costume top, red bow, and his huge red and white hat which he wore the entire time! I took him down one half of the neighborhood to the left of our house and we made sure to say thank you to each candy-giver.  Then, his Daddy took him through the other half. He had a great time.  🙂





My Grand Quilting Adventure

Lately I have been itching to sew Nathan a simple quilt.  I love sewing as well as the logistics of stitches/geometry, so it seems like a fun (though tedious) project. Plus, I can incorporate some math lessons into my efforts for Nathan to learn.  I also want him to have something special that his mommy made just for him.

I am planning on making a contemporary yet vintage farm-inspired simple twin-sized quilt for his big boy bed.  I have scored a few lots of nice fabric from ebay very inexpensively for materials.  Right now I am working on sewing the four panels which will go on top of his bed like a centerpiece of sorts. I am not sure of yet how I’ll piece the colors or fabrics together, but I am thinking of doing something simple like this:

I don’t know if it is overly cute or not, but it is very forgiving toward mistakes, which I certainly need.  The other simple square design is the worst quilt for showing all of your mistakes.  Anyhow…I also scored some seriously gorgeous fabrics from ebay for our bedroom and for curtains.  The guy bought out bolts of high-end designer fabrics which usually run around $45-$100 a yard. I am buying some of these at around $2 a yard! I am super-excited and hope that everything turns out to be cute.  Fingers crossed!

A Confession

We all know that sometimes life just isn’t fair.  Family relations aren’t either.  As a sibling, you can be the perfect child and still be the least favorite, and vice versa.  As an in-law, you may be loved but you’ll always be an outsider where tides can change quickly with every comment uttered.  It’s just how it is. Even though I know these things, I am completely bewildered at the fact that my son is a Daddy’s boy.

I have to confess that I am genuinely sad about this.

I mean, if life is fair, then whoever puts forth the most effort should be the favored parent, right?  So moms, at least with toddlers, have a pretty good head start with the whole pregnancy thing.  For me, I spent 9 months vomiting and largely bedridden carrying him after enduring months of painful shots and fertility treatment.  Then I went through a horrible birth and fought like hellen to nurse him until he weaned.  I gave up any notion of a career to focus on loving and rearing this child.  Yet the child is a cotton-picking Daddy’s boy. My ONLY child prefers him over me.  I feel immature for even being disappointed about this.

I’ve been trying to think of why this may be. I know that of the two of us, I am the main disciplinarian.  I mean what I say and follow through with it every single time. I have eyes in the back of my head. The Hubs, because of his laid-back personality and because he is tired when he gets home, he doesn’t discipline either because he is not being diligent  or because he doesn’t feel like it and ignores it. He does follow through if I prompt him, which is a system we started after we realized that I do not always need to be the “bad guy” in Nathan’s eyes.

We talked about the fact that I am home with Nathan all the time, and C is not, so Nathan just misses him. Yet when I do leave for whatever reason, he hardly notices my departure except for when he wants something and I’m not there. When he comes home, he greets me but resumes whatever he was doing.  When C comes home, Nathan runs up to him and demands his attention.  When C leaves, he cries and has a tantrum.  When Nathan wakes up, he asks for his Daddy.  I hate to admit this but that kind-of hurts me a little bit. I just never expected to be the least favorite parent before.

I know part of my feelings is because of my own history and desire to for once feel completely, unconditionally loved and part of a family.  It hurts me and I feel like he is rejecting me for his Dad. That is just something that I need to get over and move past.  The rest is just because I don’t feel appreciated. I need to work on changing my view to realizing that my sense of appreciation should come from seeing my healthy, smart, confident son be who he is.

I am taking time each day to teach Nathan skills that he’ll use the rest of his life. I spend my days focused on keeping my house as well-run as possible and acting as the glue that holds our little family together, making tons of wonderful memories in the process. My hubby knows that he has a phenomenal wife, even if I have bad health days, and that I am an even better mommy to our little boy.  He loves that I have the ‘old-fashion’ skills like cooking, sewing, gardening, canning, couponing, and can make our own bath, cleaning, and laundry soap. I am definitely appreciated, even if no one says a word about it.The fact that Nathan is a daddy’s boy doesn’t have a thing to do with my being a good mommy or not.

The only source of comforting information that I can find about it is that many babies whose mothers did attachment parenting end up with confident children.  Over the last two years, Nathan has been constantly reassured that I am always just a step away from him if he needs me, even if he can’t see me at the moment.  When I am with him, I am actively engaged in a positive way with him.  He picks up on this and thrives. I read that parents leaving their child in the care of another person creates anxiety in the child because babies and toddlers are meant to be with their parents or mom in those early years.  It also happens even with at-home moms if the mom just goes through the motions of motherhood because of depression or otherwise doesn’t fully engage with their child in a positive, reassuring manner. (It can happen for lots of reasons, those are just a few of them). So when the parent is reunited with the child, he wants their full attention and will get very upset whenever they leave because he is not confident that they’ll return whenever he feels like he needs them.

That certainly fits our case, so I guess it is one possibility.  I may never know why I have a Daddy’s boy, and that is ok.  I just wanted to write out how I am feeling, baring my faults and all, to see if it makes me feel any better.  I think I feel a little bit better about it now. 🙂


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