2 week wait
I have one more week left until I will know for sure if this fertility cycle worked or not. I honestly have no clue if I am or am not preggo. I’m really nervous that the cycle didn’t work, so I am trying to keep my mind off of it. The only “symptom” I have is that I feel like I am starving all the time. However, part of my fertility medication for this cycle is one “trigger” injection of HCG pregnancy hormone which triggered ovulation to occur. For about a week after the shot or so, the pregnancy hormone stays in the body. Taking an early pregnancy test doesn’t work because it may be giving a false positive from the leftover hormones from this shot. (Darnit). So I am left to wonder for almost the entire two weeks if our dreams are going to come true or not.
The usual signs that I usually develop during week three is pretty much useless due to the artificial conditions during treatment. Just about the only somewhat reliable sign is the spotting that sometimes occurs during implantation. I have not had any symptoms, so I honestly do not have a clue.
I am trying to prepare myself to not be sad if it doesn’t work. I won’t be as sad if it doesn’t work after fertility treatment because at least I can reassure myself that I truly gave it my best shot for potential success. It is just hard because it kills me to think of my son being an only child or my children being too far apart in age to be super-close. Plus, C’s heart is not open to adopting a child. Its also hard because I’ve waited my whole life to be a mommy and I always wanted to have a lot of children. I never thought that life would deal me the cruel blow of infertility. Everyone plans on the perfect time to have children, but no one gives a second thought to the possibility of infertility. Couples do not discuss what they want to do if they are infertile, and lots of hearts and dreams are broken because of it.
It is also hard when people tell me to just give it time. I don’t feel like I have time to give. One more bowel surgery, emergency or planned, or decline in health and I will likely not be able to carry a pregnancy regardless of how badly I want to. A chance to carry a child is just too precious for me to risk gambling away.
Oh well. No need to dwell on things I cannot change. In the meantime, I am going to keep my fingers crossed and cherish each moment with Nathan. This may be the child I get see through childhood, and I am so blessed to have this sweet little boy.