Tomorrow is a day that I have been counting down for over a week now. C and my baby will FINALLY come home! I’ve missed them both so stinkin’ much. It was getting to the point where my heart started to ache when I thought of them. You have to understand that I have never been apart from Nathan for more than one night in the two and a half years since he was born, and from C for more than a few days. I think what makes it harder on us is that we are both deaf. Hearing folks can just make a quick call or two while riding in the car or whatnot. We had to resort to texting for most of our communication, which is a pain in the rear. We could have texted back and forth all day and still not have managed the same quality/quantity of conversation as a hearing person could talking on the phone.
We also arranged some time on facetime/video chat, but that didn’t work out well either. Half of the time C misunderstood what I said and (I think) vice versa. I think it was because of the lighting and poor video quality. Then arranging it is a pain in the rear because we first had to text and wait for each other to respond, then set up a time to call and hope the other one picks up. It did allow me to actually see my baby, and each other, so it was worth it. Actually, I did not get to talk to Nathan much, it was more like flashes of him running around and showing me his toys. 😉 The sweetest thing is that I would tell him to give me a kissy, and I would see those big, puckered lips of his inching toward the camera to give it a smooch. We also play a word game when we say our goodbyes. It goes like this:
Me: I love you more!
N: I love you more, more!
Me: I love you more, more, mostest!
N: No! I love YOU more, more, mostest most!
And so on. Isn’t that sweet? ❤
I’m so glad they’ll be here tomorrow. I picked up an itsy, bitsy baseball glove for Nathan when he comes home. It has velcro in the palm of the glove, plus on the baseball, which will help him hold the ball once he catches it. I also saw my friend’s post on facebook about a homemade strawberry ‘coffee’ cake. I quickly whipped one up as a coming-home cake tomorrow for them. I managed to fix C’s smoker, so I am probably going to smoke something for our dinner tomorrow.
Can you tell I’m excited? Just a tad bit? 😉
When he was born,
He looked just like you,
That boy is your son,
Through and through.
He waves you goodbye,
As you leave for work each day,
He waits for you each evening,
Waiting for his Daddy to come his way.
He practices his golf game and swing,
Each day (all day) outside,
But when he sees his daddy watching him,
His little face lights up with pride.
When you cut the grass,
He pushes his mower right behind you,
He follows your ever step,
Doing exactly what you do.
You see, this little boy, your son,
You’re the man he tries so hard to be,
So if you ever wonder, just look at him,
And a great man is what you’ll see.
Whoo hoo! The bleeding finally stopped by Monday morning. I noticed that I started to feel super dizzy and tired as well on Monday. I went to see my doctor and they did some tests. She said that my blood levels were looking stable and that I just need to rest and drink as much water as I can to help recover faster. I had to stop taking the blood thinners, so I am really nervous about the potential issues from stopping the injections. I ended up having to stay home from work, which was really disappointing to me. I absolutely cannot stand missing work or being late. I know I made the right choice because I was still very weak and dizzy when I stood up, but still.
Today, Tuesday, I woke up feeling more tired than I have ever felt in my life. I slept like 11 hours last night, though they were interrupted, but still woke up tired. I ended up taking a morning and early evening nap. I did try to venture outside to water my seedlings, but quickly wore myself out and came back inside. I was worried about the little plants drying out, but it looks like it may end up raining this evening, so I’ll let God take care of the watering today.
Before this bleeding hit me, I had lofty plans of things I wanted to do this week. I wanted to, at the very least, organize my closet, clean the house completely, clean out the fridge and pantry, go to the spa with a friend, build a frame for my cucumbers and beans to climb, and finish grouting the kitchen floor. You know, just typical busy-body activities. Now my plans are: rest, keep myself fed, go to work, keep the plants watered, pick up some milk from the store, and get the dishes done before Sunday. Quite a change, right?
Anyhow, my baby is having a grand time visiting relatives down South. Today is the fourth full day of him being gone. We had some rather frustrating technology difficulties, and so I have only talked to him twice on the video phone. The deep South is known for a lot of wonderful things, but in all honesty being a technology mecca is simply not one of them. However, things did get sorted out and now I can talk to him every day. Seeing and talking to him on the video phone makes me feel so much better. It makes all the difference in the world.
I have really missed my hubs and our extended family members this week. I hope to make a trip down again later and visit with everyone, including my Dad and brother, whom I have not visited in forever. Anyhow, I am going to go and see if there is anything remotely appealing in the fridge. If not, I definitely see a quick trip to Arby’s and back. (Have you seen Arby’s new fruit and pecan chicken salad wraps? Swoons.) Actually, I think I may just go straight to Arby’s. Adios!
***Warning: This is a medical post and thus normal bodily functions will be discussed. If you are grossed out by medical stuff, then do not read this. If you will judge me for posting, then do not read this.
I just got home from the ER. I am really scared about things and would like to write it down.
I have a j-pouch, which is basically what they make with your small bowels after you have your large intestines taken out. Most people who have j-pouches have ulcerative colitis and have tons of experience with GI bleeding. I do not have UC, so GI bleeding is new to me.
Two days ago, I noticed some changes after going to the bathroom. I thought that it reminded me a lot of what they tell you to look for when you have internal bleeding. Since I felt fine, I just thought it must have been something I ate and ignored it. Yesterday evening, things changed even more, and I noticed dark red in the potty, and lots of it. Last night and this morning, it got much worse and I decided to email my doctor about it. Still not knowing it was from bleeding, and feeling fine, I worked some in the yard and then rested. Then I read online that pharmacies carry little test kits which can detect blood in stools, so I went and brought one. I figured that a negative test would save me the money, time, and embarrassment of finding out that the changes were just due to something I ate.
I got the EZ detect from the store and decided that I really, really wanted a ice cream smoothie from Baskin Robbins so I headed across the street to ice cream heaven. Since I had to wait for my drink, I went into the bathroom to do the test. The test is really simple, you just drop the test paper into the water after going to the bathroom. If there is blood present, the paper will turn blue. The amount of blue correlates to how much bleeding is present.
It immediately turned very dark blue. I fought the urge to flip the heck out and tried to plan my next steps in a semi-rational manner. You have to understand that the test just made me realize that all of the “blood” that I have been loosing over the last few days is in fact blood and not just something I ate.
So I paid for my drink, and headed back to Outback Steakhouse to pick up my to-go order of dinner. I drove straight to the ER. They checked me in and placed me into a room. The doctor saw me and since I needed to go to the bathroom, he went ahead and had me give a sample. It appeared to me as if the bleeding was better, and I told him so. Over the next hour and a half, I had to go to the bathroom again about every 30 minutes. Each time looked worse until the last one had the entire potty looking like a bloody Halloween prop. It scared me to see that much blood, but at the same time I didn’t understand how I was still able to walk and feel decently.
I went back to the bed. A few minutes passed and I felt myself have an accident. I looked down under the sheets and saw tons of dark red blood everywhere. The nurse came in a panicked a little bit after seeing the blood. She quickly started an IV and laid me back while taking vital signs. The other one went to tell the doctor what was going on, but he was on the phone with my RE and primary care doctor. I still didn’t understand how I could be feeling just fine after loosing that much blood.
Over the next few hours, the bleeding slowed down again. The doctor came in and reviewed everything with me. My blood levels were still up where they should be. As suspected, the blood thinning injections and aspirin regime I am on is likely what is causing me to have internal (GI) bleeding. He said that both of my doctors know me and my case very well and all three concurred that the best course of action is for me to stop the aspirin, but continue my dose of blood thinning injections. On monday, (as soon as their doors open, he insisted),I have to go see my doctor and have my levels checked again. If my blood levels drop due to the bleeding, I may have to stop the injections.
They sent me home with instructions to go back in to the ER if I noticed that the bleeding is affecting me more. The thing is, I have had this for several days now and it hasn’t affected me. It seems to kind-of come and go, so I’m just watching things very closely and myself for any changes at all. But if it hasn’t bothered me now, then I doubt it will suddenly bother me unless I start seeing a lot more bleeding. So my plan is that if I notice anything alarming to drive myself right back to the ER. I’m not taking chances.
All in all, I actually feel fine. My pouch is sore and I am tired, but that is not abnormal for me at all. I am upset that this sort of thing even has to happen, but I am glad C and Nathan did not have to be bothered with this. C would get stressed out and frustrated with me, so I’m glad he doesn’t have to deal with this right now. I am also glad that I didn’t go South with them and then go through this. I can’t imagine ruining someone’s big day (a retirement party) with a trip to the hospital. It doesn’t matter if its not my fault, I would still feel horrible for it.
It is scary as all get-out to see blood after going to the bathroom, but apparently this sort of thing is not an emergency unless it changes a person’s blood levels enough to make them feel poorly. I learned something new today: Loosing blood isn’t an emergency. Loosing too much blood is. Still, I am really, really nervous about the bleeding. It MUST stop before Monday. If not, then I will have to stop the blood thinning injections and that would be very, very bad. I can’t go into detail at the moment, but just trust me, it needs to stop. So if you don’t mind, please send good vibes, thoughts, and/or prayers for my body to behave itself.
Shall keep you updated…
I just dropped C and Nathan off at the airport. They are flying South for 9 whole days. Nathan was hyper and thrilled to be flying on a real airplane, while his mommy choked back tears as I waved good-bye to my baby boy. Lots of goodies and fun people await his arrive down South, so he will be too busy living the life to miss me overly much. As for me, I’ll probably cry a lot but I know my baby will have a great time.
C looked scared to death to be flying alone with a toddler. He’s always had me to depend on, but now he is on his own. Stinky diapers, mini-tantrums, food/drink prep, entertainment, and a disappearing 3-foot tall toddler will have to be managed along with a stroller, carry-on bag, and navigating airports between flights. I did what I could in terms of packing things for him to do and giving him advice about how to handle various situations, but it is up to him in the end. I gave them all lots of hugs and kisses and kindly reminded C that if he loses my child that I will hunt his tall self down and he will see his very life flash before his eyes. Or something like that. It’s not that I don’t trust him, its just that I think that moms tend to have eyes on the back of their heads. I know that I can read my child like a book and take preventive action as needed to keep him safe. Dad’s tend to take the more laid back approach and learn from mistakes instead of predicting every possible scenario at all times and preventing mistakes. I’m sure they’ll be fine.
When the trip was planned, we quickly realized that there was no way I could miss a week of work due to it being the end of the term with finals and the office work involved in wrapping up a class for the quarter. I figured I could deal with missing my baby by keeping myself busy with housework, projects, and working. However, my doctor wants me to take it easy so now most of what I planned on doing is off limits. I am thinking of having the ASL moms over for a girl’s night. I can fix pizza and pop corn while we watch a movie and hang out. 🙂
For housework, I am thinking since I will not be taking care of Nathan that I can substitute caring for him and exert equal effort toward getting things clean and organized. There are so many things that I need to tackle in the house. One thing I am dreading is cleaning the “no-man’s land” places in my toddler-based household. Under the couch, between the cushions, the diaper pail, under his bed are all places I prefer to pretend do not exist. (You mom’s know exactly what I am talking about!)
Anyhow, I am totally confident that I will get through this
week next few days day just fine. (I hope).
Character is not defined by what we do when things are going our way. It is not defined when things are easy.
Character is defined by how we act when we are tired or stressed. It is defined by what we do when we’re faced with things we do not want to do. It is defined by how we treat those who have hurt us, and those who are different from us. It is defined by how we make difficult decisions, by what we do when no one is looking.
Character develops in the face of adversity. It does not grow by surrounding ourselves with people just like us, or people who do not challenge us to become better people. It does not grow by avoiding difficulties at all cost. It does not grow by only associating with those who always agree with how you think and feel. It does not grow if your efforts are focused on changing your environment, and those in it, to make life easier for you.
The opposite is true. It grows by surrounding ourselves with a variety of people different from ourselves, by being around people who can gently expose our flaws so that we can learn and grow. It grows by accepting that our lives are shaped by how we think and act, and challenging ourselves to do better. It never exists within us if we feel that we are superior to others, that we are owed for what we contribute. It will never exist in a person who believe that their integrity is conditionally given to others. Character is never a contingent entity. It is because you are.
“Adversity is the sunshine which helps character grow.” (Jenn Hearn)
Whew! Can you believe this heat? Yesterday it was so warm that Nathan got to play in the little pool. I made sure to keep him hydrated with plenty of drinks. I also covered the poor, fair skinned child from head to toe in 100 SPF sunscreen. He totally loves being slathered with the greasy stuff (not).
As for me, I am doing well. I’ve been very tired lately, especially in the heat. POTS and heat just do not mix. It makes me grateful that we live where we do. I can’t imagine how my quality of life would be if I had to deal with this sort of heat (or worse) any more than I already do.
Anyhow, Nathan is getting so big. He just learned how to jump the other day with both feet off of the ground. So now his favorite thing to do is to jump (and jump and jump) just after his bath, stark naked.
He also seems to be a whiz at math. For the first time ever, I asked him a simple addition problem and asked for the sum. He got it right. Then I decided to make it a little more complex, asking him this: “Nathan, if mommy has 2 doggies and you have 2 doggies, how many doggies are there?” He ignored me, so I repeated the question again, this time omitting the names. He looked at me, and impatiently quipped his answer, “Eight.” He ran off to play. At first I thought he was wrong, since I was asking for 2+2=4. Then I realized that he added ALL of the doggies since I didn’t specify whose doggies the repeated sentence belonged to. He got it right. He is 2.5 years old.
I haven’t even worked with him on addition yet, so needless to say I’m very surprised. It is a little scary when he offers these little glimpses of what’s going on in that noggin of his. It makes me realize that I am nowhere near giving him access to the type of stimulation that he apparently requires. I really need to start teaching him to read again. Awhile back, I started working with him and he picked up sight words like it was going out of style. I think if I can get him started reading that it will open the world to him. He can then take off and study whatever his little heart desires.