Nose like a Hound
Today has been a rough day to say the least. It started at 3:30 in the morning when I woke up heaving. I ate and then fell back asleep. At 6:00 in the morning, C’s alarm vibrated and woke me up in the process. I heaved some more, ate, then fell back asleep until Nathan woke up at 7:30am. Nathan woke up in a seriously bad mood because everyone knows that one must first remove all of his toy cars from his bed and carry them into the living room for him, which I did. Also, everyone knows that if his daddy is still home then Daddy is to be the one to get him out of bed. Well, I wasn’t Daddy and since I felt nauseous I went ahead and got him out of bed. This resulted in a 20-minute, full-out tantrum. We started our lovely day with a time out.
By 10:30am, I had myself and the boy washed, fed, and dressed to go run errands. My cold felt a little worse, but I needed to run the errands. I still needed to spruce up my hair, so Nathan went outside to play while I did so. It would only take a few minutes, so I figured it was a good compromise. Finally ready to go, I locked up the house and went around to the backyard to fetch him. The child had somehow turned on the water hose and was DRENCHED from head to toe. Sighing, (and possibly saying a toned-down version of an ugly word or two), I went to fetch him to be changed. He didn’t want to be fetched, and I had to chase him around the yard. He was delighted, his mommy was NOT.
I got him changed and loaded into the car. We headed to the bank and then next door to pick up lunch and play in the playground area. I picked out a table and wrestled him into a high chair to eat. He didn’t want to eat, and so I let him get down to play. By this time I was starting to feel seriously nauseous. A female worker there walked up to me while I was putting him down to play. She apparently felt the need to wear industrial-strength cheap perfume to work, and I instantly felt my stomach churn. She told me that they have a new policy that all kids must wear socks while they play there, and that I needed to buy a pair for a dollar if I wanted to allow him to play. Seeing that I had no choice, plus wanting to get away from the perfume, I obliged.
It took a few attempts to get Nathan’s feet within socking distance, but I finally succeeded and turned the boy loose to play. I sat down to eat. The same stinking lady wandered back over into my area, this time wielding and spraying toxic cleaner all over the place. Since I was seriously about to get sick, and Nathan had by chance wandered near our table again, I went ahead and packed up my food to-go and tried to leave. Right about then I smelled a obviosly dirty diaper of his and realized that I forgot to pack wipes. Nathan didn’t want to leave. He ended up throwing the most embarrassing tantrum right there and then. I decided to leave what food I couldn’t carry and practically dragged the child out of there as quickly as I could before I got sick.
We ended up riding home with all the windows opened to help diffuse the stinky delight he had in his pants. I felt a little better nausea wise by the time we got home, so I changed him with minimal gagging. Did I tell you the child poops at least 3 times a day? Each time is practically a guaranteed date leaning over the porcelain throne for me. It looks like I am blessed with the nose of a hound, even when stopped up with a cold. I think I’m going to invest in a mask specifically for changing diapers.