Just another mom blog…

For this child, I have prayed. (Samuel 1:27)

Archive for the month “November, 2013”

He Hates Me

Ok…maybe he doesn’t. But I certainly feel like Nathan doesn’t like me sometimes, and I’m well aware of the reason why. I am the “strict” parent…but just because someone has to be, and only because I love and want what is best for him. Still, it doesn’t make it any easier and I hate having to be like this with him.

I don’t tolerate being talked back to, or disrespect toward me or any other adult, including his dad. I expect him to do what I say within a reasonable time of whenever I tell him. I prefer him to say please, thank you, and yes ma’am/sir when speaking to adults. I never give in to tantrums or whining simply because it is more convenient for me to do so. All of this, plus the fact that I have eyes in the back of my head means that I end up getting onto him quite a bit.  This disqualifies me as the fun parent and I am pretty sure the boy is well on his way to hating me.

Another issue is that I am the busy parent. When I am home, I have a house to clean, food to buy, put away, and cook; I have to clothe them and laundry to do; organization and a budget to manage; a little brother who nurses a million times a day and needs tending to…plus the five hundred other things that go along with being a at-home mom.  So if Nathan needs something he has to go to his dad. He is now a daddy’s boy.

I wasn’t always like this. Once upon a time, I subscribed totally to the whole “I am my child’s partner” parenting model. I followed their doctrine and worked alongside him to create soft boundaries based on love and respect. This resulted in a wild, headstrong child who lacked respect for adults and would not follow any rules or take no for an answer. I was embarrassed at his behavior in public and had nightmares of him growing into a juvenile delinquent of some sort.  I definitely didn’t end up with even a hint of the sweet, respectful child or partnership that this particular parenting model promised.

I have since learned that some children need hard boundaries and firm consequences with total consistency. It may be just their personality, temperament, parents’s personality, environment, or whatever. Regardless, not every child is the same and not every parenting technique works for every child. I am the only person who fully does this, and as a result I am the only person he actually listens to.

I invest my whole heart and soul into looking after his well-being and future, and he likes me the least.  That bothers me, even though I know my goal shouldn’t be to focus on myself and what friendship I can get from the relationship with my child. It is not about me but about HIM. I just wish that he could see and appreciate what I am trying to do for him and how much I love him.

I hope, truly hope, that he will grow up and one day understand. I hope that he is successful at whatever he sets his mind to because I taught him self-control, self-discipline, and delayed gratification.  I hope he has successful relationships in part because I showed him to respect the boundaries of others and to do what is right and to just be respectful in general. I hope that he will be happy in life because he has been taught a sense of appreciation, optimism, and not a sense of entitlement which can ruin happiness and destroy relationships. I hope one day he will see that everything I did, I did it for him, because I love him more than he will ever know.

Kindness of Strangers

Our Halloween here was pretty much rained out, so I took Nathan to the local mall to Trick or Treat. C was working, so he offered to keep Mr. Teething Fussypants (Chunky) while we went. I dressed up Nathan in his transformer costume and off we went.

When we arrived, the mall was PACKED. The lines were ridiculous. Each child had to stand in a giant circle that spanned the entire mall and slowly (SLOWLY!) inch toward the next store front where they would receive a single piece of candy or tiny printed coloring sheet. I decided just to take Nathan to the Mall’s playground and then to get a treat at the food court.

I read recently that sugar does not make kids hyper, according to a research study somewhere. I should have taken a video of the playground filled with candy-fueled kids and sent it to the researcher who published that study! These kids where literally ricorcheting off of each other. I tried for a long time to keep track of Nathan in the midst of this buzzing mass of kids, but started to feel motion sickness from it all. It was insane!

A particularly rough-looking couple was staring at me and made me feel nervous, so I decided to get Nathan and go to the food court. We claimed our table and waited for our food. They messed up the order so it took a long time. Finally, I got my Taiwanese food and we sat down to eat.

Nathan got a special drink with these berry-looking things in the bottom.  He kept spitting the drink all over the table in his attempt to expel the berries. I told him to stop several times in between my furious attempts to slurp my food as fast as possible before the Toddler Meltdown occurred. He did it again, so I took his drink away. He started screaming that he was so thirsty, but I refused to give him the drink back as to stick to my guns with him. Finally, I let him have a few sips of my water, but he knocked it over and water went all over my table on him. He freaked out and started trying to strip his clothes off right then and there. I closed my eyes for a split second to take a deep breath as to not get angry and make the situation ten times worse.

When I opened them, I was alarmed to see a perfect stranger, a woman a little older than myself, and her older daughter tossing huge handfuls of napkins on the table and mopping up the spill. She had a ton of breast cancer clothing on, so I thought maybe she is dressed as a breast cancer survivor for Halloween. I started to jump and take over the cleaning, but she smiled at me and said, “No sweetie, you just sit there and finish eating. We’ll get this. Just go ahead and eat.” She must have picked up that I am Deaf because she sort of mimed and exaggerated her speech to be extra-clear for me.

I was in shock at this random act of kindness, and it must have shown on my face. I told her thank you so much several times. She just smiled and pointed at the table next to me, saying that she has four kids, including four-year-old twins and totally understands how it is trying to eat and tend to kids at the same time.

She started up a little game with all the kids where they tossed a balloon in the air like a game of volleyball, and invited Nathan to play. This allowed me to finish my soup dinner. I was so very deeply touched by the kindness from this perfect stranger.  I thanked God for reminding me that there are still very good people in this world and for sending someone to help me.

I have this thing where if someone does something nice to me, I try to multiply it by returning the favor (if I know them) or by paying it forward twice if I do not know them.  So I am on a mission of sorts to look for opportunities to help other moms in public places.

Just had to share this story. 🙂

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