My first official complaint (stay tuned! Many more to come!)
Well, I’ve jumped through just about every hoop imaginable to get to this point and I’m just now getting the heeby-jeebies. On one hand, I can “sit back and enjoy the ride” as Chris would say. On the other hand, I got my first taste of what’s to come and I feel that I’ve earned the right to post my first official complaint.
I went to my hematologist today (God Bless him, he’s fabulous) but was then sent for a little visit with his phlebotomist. Those blasted good-pay-with benifits-vampires promptly snapped on a hand-numbing tourniquet and proceeded to draw at least 6 vials of my much needed blood. I am convinced that I walked out of the place at least 2 Maybelline shades paler, my naked feet in ballet shoes doing a fairly convincing job of passing off as a pair of white socks. (A total fashion faux pas, mind you). To make the whole ordeal as painful as possible, the lady used a giganormous needle, chose the most painful place to poke it into (underside of my forearm), and left the midieval-esque torture device (the tourniquet) on for WAY too long. I’m traumatized.
So then I come home feeling slightly lighter with respect to overall volume, and lo and behold there are those ridiculously expensive, equally terrifying month and a half of once-or-twice a day SHOTS! In addition, I have at least another half a dozen planned trips to the vampires for a further reduction in my overall volume and subsequently unavoidable change for the worse in pallor. I am seriously considering a membership with the local AAACP (American Albino Association for Colorless People). I have issues.
So naturally I decided the best thing for me to do at the moment to calm my heeby-jeebies was to delve into the depths of the overly-wordy document otherwise known as “the patient guide.” After reading all of this, I should consider myself lucky about those shots. You see, I have the luxury of choosing between my lovely scar-ridden abdomen or “the top of the hip” (aka-butt). But that’s not all! I can “choose between one upper hip (butt cheek) or the other, alternating them to avoid (yeah right) pain or soreness of the upper hip (buttocks).” In addition, I “may want to consider having a spouse, partner, or friend help with the injections of the upper hip (butt), which may allow you to position yourself in such a way to make the injection less painful.” Umm…let’s see, my partner is my spouse (I’m straight, thank you), and he is a computer techie with no prior experience and displays an alarmingly eager disposition about the opportunity to poke me sadistically with a 4-inch needle. (Shivers). Finally, my friends are either: A) in egypt; B) not interested in seeing my white upper hip (butt), or C) have 4 legs with non-opposable thumbs, or suffer from severe hypoxia (lack of oxygen) when removed from water. So the eager husband it is. (Shivers again-isn’t shivering a sign of blood loss???)
But ya know what? At the end of the day, when we have our child in our arms, I would go through it all a million times just to see my baby smile.
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